Author: Grace Ashford
Image courtesy of Netflix
According to Urban dictionary, binge-watching occurs ‘when your life has no meaning, so you watch a f***load of Netflix in a depressingly short amount of time’.
While your life (hopefully) consists of a little meaning, in today’s current self-isolating climate, now would be a better time than ever to really fine-tune your bingeing skills.
I’ve put together a line-up of the 9 Most Marathon-Worthy, Ultra Watchable TV shows (and some found on Netflix, and a few movies thrown in for good measure – as deemed by none other than (very qualified) me, your friendly Hammer & Swine bartender*.
Our rating scale is as follows:
Averagely Bingeable: I’ve got a cramp because I haven’t moved from the couch for multiple hours.
Quite Adequately Bingeable: ‘Are you still watching?’ popped up 3 times
Supremely Bingeable: How long has it been since I showered? I can’t even remember.
*We also conducted some very sound research via an Instagram poll.
The Good Place
Y’all may love Kristen Bell more than I do, but that doesn’t mean this show doesn’t have some highly bingeable qualities. With an intriguing plot, suspenseful cliffhangers, and Ted Danson of course, there’s not much more you could wish for in a show. Except for less of Kristen Bell.
I never said this list wouldn’t be extremely subjective and heavily biased.
Bingeability Rating: Got a cramp because I haven’t moved from the couch for multiple hours.
Atypical
Y’all voted on this one, and I gotta say past me from 6 months ago stands by you.
This show is a banger.
It touches on a range of sensitive issues but with plenty of humour, taste and Bridgette Lundy-Paine. Another A+ for the amazing cliffhangers alone. Very bingeable.
Bingeability Rating: Are you still watching?’ Came up 3 times.
Please Like Me
For those of you who don’t like Josh Thomas’ comedy, avert your eyes. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy this Australian-made drama (support your Aussie film & TV scene!).
This show made me cry in Year 10 and I still haven’t forgotten what a decent watch it is.
Easily demolish-able in a few days.
Plus, my partner’s cousin’s boyfriends’ Mum plays Rose. Not spon – promise.
Bingeability Rating: How long has it been since you showered?
Twilight series
If I didn’t include these films, I’d probably get hunted down and cut by all the diehard Twilightfans out there…so, you’re welcome.
How fitting is it to have your ice-olation chock-full of icy stares from Rob Patterson, and frozen facial expressions from our beloved Kristen Stewart.
Taking into account the fact that there are FIVE (5!) of these very intense teen-fantasy-supernatural-vampire-dramas, you’re locked in for at least a days’ worth of bingeing.
Bingeability Rating: ’Are you still watching?’ Came up 3 times.
Feel Good
I discovered Feel Good at 11:20am on Monday the 23rd March. By 6:50pm that same day, I had completed the entirety of the first and only season of this show. The only reason it took so long was because I was interchanging every episode with one episode of Shameless – to make it last longer.
Mae Martin gives an excellent portrayal of… herself in this cute lil’ quirky drama. What really fed me throughout the show was my distaste for Mae’s girlfriend, George. You know what they say. A little hate makes the heart grow stronger.
Anyway, I really liked this show. 10/10 for Lisa Kudrow’s very Lisa Kudrow-esque character.
Bingeability Rating: Are you still watching?’ Came up 3 times.
Shameless (US)
Nine glorious seasons of the Gallagher family’s poverty-stricken, substance-abusing, drama-causing shenanigans. It’s way too easy to get into this show, with loveable Fiona and all the Gallagher kids. Also, I’m not afraid to say it: in season one Kevin is really hot. If you agree please let me know so I can win an argument with my girlfriend.
Bingeability Rating: How long has it been since you showered?
Kath & Kim
Two words : Cultural Classic. Kath & Kim is a national staple, comparable in value to a jar of Vegemite in an Australian cupboard. Who could get sick of Kath and Kel going for a morning power walk, or Sharon’s pash rash, or Kim’s incessant self-love? Whatever you like about Kath & Kim, you have to agree that it’s nice, its different. It’s unusual.
Bingeability Rating: Are you still watching?’ Came up 3 times.
Sex Education
*Chef’s kiss* ah. Some wholesome coming-of-age content and proper myth-busting fax, F-A-X. When you’re not admiring Gillian Anderson’s true mature beauty, you can learn yourself a thing or two about biology, love and relationships in preparation for the post-quarantine utopia we’ll experience once this all blows over.
Additionally, it doesn’t hurt to revisit where the episode where our King Eric first established himself as the Daddy of Coronavirus, with his famous words ‘Wash your hands, you detty pig.’
Bingeability Rating: How long has it been since you showered?
Glee
Well, well well. It appears ye old fiend of a childhood fling reappears from the dirt once more to remind you of its iconic elitism.
Timeless, ingenious, reliable.
You know what will hurt you, today? Coronavirus (and Mr Schu rapping Kanye songs). You know what will never hurt you? The nostalgia of Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Santana, Britney, Kurt, Blaine & co singing their way through your puberty fever dreams.
Plus, how versatile is Glee? Need to release some energy? Mirror each dance number as they occur on screen. Want to develop your hairdressing skills? Grab that hairspray and make your high pony as slick as Santana’s. Forgotten how to properly wash your hands among this COVID-19 hygiene crisis? Take a leaf out of neurotic Emma Pillsbury’s OCD book.
Netflix, thankfully, has pulled through by ensuring all 6 seasons are fully ready for your viewing needs, so take advantage now.
Bingeability Rating: How long has it been since you showered?
HONOURABLE MENTION:TheHarry Potter series – duh
Every Potterhead has spent their lifetime wishing they existed in a world full of spells, hexes and butterbeer instead of this bleak muggle world. Today, escaping the reality of a worldwide pandemic has never been so easy, thanks to one JK Rowling.
Though Harry Potter is such a staple, the series has unfortunately been removed off Australian Netflix, which sucks big time.
But, if you can, crack out your DVD box set for possibly the hundredth time and dedicate the next 19 hours and 39 minutes to good old Harry and his friends.
Google it, thats how long they all take to watch.
Bingeability Rating: How long has it been since you showered?
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