burning home

Author: Girish Gupta 

Featured image by Jen Theodore, courtesy of Unsplash

CW: this poem includes references to self-harm and suicide. 

I see these walls burn,

as the heat scorches through my skin

and I wonder to myself,

is this the hottest it could have been?

 

A flame catches in my sleeve

as I scream and scream and scream

A glass shatters on the floor,

all the pain turns me green

 

I can feel the loss of breath

as I starve to survive

I remember all my laughter

but pain has been my life

 

I remember the days I’d fly

high above the ground

They’d look at me and wonder,

who is that so proud?

 

And I feel me lose myself

as I dwell on fears and worries

But what really slows me down

are all these worldly hurries

 

I ponder and decide

to put the fire out

despite the scars it’s given me

Indeed, my scars are loud

 

And I inhale and gulp the heat

as I stand here, just me

Without bells or whistles or glitter

this is the prettiest I can be

 

I know just in this moment

why I gave up the chance to fly

And I know how to just walk past

all the times I’m asked ‘why?’

 

I’ve just got to be me,

that is my deepest desire

Yet the lack of this is why

I have lit my house on fire.