Author: Girish Gupta
There are days I just lay on my bed and listen to the same songs on repeat.
Days when I fall on the carpet in my room and cry and scream as if there’s no soul who could hear me ever.
Days when my muffled crying is too much, as if every brick in the wall of my house is judging me for all those tears.
On these days my trauma takes the most of me, and getting off the bed seems like a task insurmountable.
On these days, I order food for breakfast and end up heating it ten times before it falls into trash the next day.
On these days, the dishes in the sink don’t cry for a wash and the carpet can deal with its own dust.
On these days, I think the worst: of today, of what has happened and what has yet to pass.
The pandemic, while it has us all locked far apart, is a journey of self-growth. Where all the emotions I’d tucked into a bed unknown at the back of my head have woken up, rushing through me. I can’t tell them I’m busy with the next assignment, or that Saturday shifts are no more.
I’ve had to deal with years of unspoken words and hidden-away fears and I’ve learnt to know what the aftermath is.
No, the aftermath isn’t the graveyard of self-worth or the dreamland of sorrow. Neither is it the shadow of self-loathing of all these years.
What comes next is becoming stardust, the kind no sun would ever dare challenge. Or an entire galaxy where the planets bloom and bloom forever.
These days I feel like I can win this world over and still have enough energy to build another.
These are the days called cotton candy coupons, which can be felt as the sweet taste in your mouth, while your hands are all sticky.
These days my house is as clean as ever and smile as bright.
And on those days when my shine swallows the darkness of a million others, I smile because I know that things will fall into place. For while I don’t know when the pandemic of this world might end, I know that the pandemic in me is here to stay.
About Girish Gupta
Girish is 21 year old student of Masters in IT (Data Science), who finds his solace in poetry. He has been published several times in magazines, anthologies, and several blogs. Girish is a firm believer in self-love and promoting mental health awareness. His favourite book is Looking for Alaska and favourite movie is Tamasha(Bollywood) and show is F.R.I.E.N.D.S.