Author: Tina Tsironis
I want a HD
I need to do well
Ding ding ding
goes that bloody anxiety bell.
Class starts with the nitty gritty:
Ethics, features, elements, focal points
and then my classmate says she’ll write like a city.
She’s brave and inventive, she’s taking some chances
yet here I am shitting myself
at the thought of my fiction inspiring cynical glances.
But fuck it, I’ll persist.
I pull out my laptop and shove that doubting voice aside
start trusting my tutor my cohort and even myself
I know you get the gist.
Later is crime fiction, a stumbling block of my own making.
I have all the tools yet when I start writing
leaving my sense of self shaking.
But fuck it, I guess I’ll persist.
Critical friendships bloom, tutor feedback sinks in,
self-doubt blazes back up
but it’s relatively easy to resist.
Fingers to keyboard,
eyes on YA genre papers,
I diarise my thoughts
my findings become greater.
Fuck it, why not persist?
Assessment week hits,
fingers take flight,
I can’t do this but I actually can,
thoughts aren’t truths
so screw you brain, ha, I’m not gonna bite.
What I’ve found, over the course of 12 weeks
is that research, writing and peer support
heighten my writerly flair.
Not some intangible grade
or self imposed benchmark
but the thrill of the word
and how it renders a story made.
Image by Kristopher Roller