the thrill of the word

Author: Tina Tsironis

I want a HD

I need to do well

Ding ding ding

goes that bloody anxiety bell.

 

Class starts with the nitty gritty:

Ethics, features, elements, focal points

and then my classmate says she’ll write like a city.

She’s brave and inventive, she’s taking some chances

yet here I am shitting myself

at the thought of my fiction inspiring cynical glances.

 

But fuck it, I’ll persist. 

 

I pull out my laptop and shove that doubting voice aside

start trusting my tutor my cohort and even myself

I know you get the gist.

 

Later is crime fiction, a stumbling block of my own making.

I have all the tools yet when I start writing

doubt flares

leaving my sense of self shaking.

 

But fuck it, I guess I’ll persist.

 

Critical friendships bloom, tutor feedback sinks in,

self-doubt blazes back up

but it’s relatively easy to resist.

Fingers to keyboard,

eyes on YA genre papers,

I diarise my thoughts

my findings become greater.

 

Fuck it, why not persist? 

 

Assessment week hits,

fingers take flight,

I can’t do this but I actually can,

thoughts aren’t truths

so screw you brain, ha, I’m not gonna bite.

 

What I’ve found, over the course of 12 weeks

is that research, writing and peer support

heighten my writerly flair.

 

Not some intangible grade

or self imposed benchmark

but the thrill of the word

and how it renders a story made.

Image by Kristopher Roller